Little White Lie: Season Two
by onceuponapurpleplatypus
Summary: I couldn't stand the cliffhanger for the incomplete web series Little White Lie, so I decided to finish it. This starts right where Little White Lie left off, taking place a day after the last scene of Season One. I do not own LWL; Team Starkid does.
1. Chapter 1

Sunday Morning

The notes danced across her dreams.

The shards of music twirled through the girl's mind, clear and pure. They darted between the hazy images that flickered there—images she wouldn't remember once sleep released her from his soft hands. The notes flashed a thousand brilliant colors under her eyelids—shifting between warm, soft shades, and bright neon streaks.

They sang a gentle lullaby. But it was a lullaby that hummed with a glaze of pain, a melody that had a sharp edge. The notes were pretty but haunting. The lullaby whispered danger beneath its misleading lull of comfort.

The insignificant dream shattered as Sami Reese awoke, yet the song lingered in her head. She stared at the white plaster of her ceiling, still not entirely free from the touch of sleep's fingers. When the grogginess lifted from her brain, she realized the song that had brushed the surface of her consciousness while she dreamt was the one named after her.

_Sami_. She had thought the song was soothing and beautiful since the first time she'd heard it. But it had never entered her dreams before. Now that it had, it was suddenly so much more real and enchanting.

The music was slipping away from her mind now. She savored the faint echo of the still wavering notes, like holding on to a taste that was dissolving on her tongue.

The way the song had intertwined with her dreams had showed her something. Sami now understood that she'd fallen for that song. She had fallen in love with the melody and the lyrics.

But Toby didn't write that song.

Her eyebrows pulled together as her mind churned with confusion. Toby wasn't the one who had written the notes and words that made her heart flutter. Was the way she felt about Toby only existent because of a song that wasn't even his? Did that mean her feelings for him weren't real?

She didn't want to think like that, but she couldn't control her conflicted thoughts. They were now turning to Kevin. The guilt that was firmly attached to his name seized her once again, spreading its hot, sticky touch over her skin. He'd written such a beautiful song about her, and she'd stolen his music and taken credit for his talent in return.

The painful words came back to echo through her mind—words that had been haunting Sami since Tanya said them outside her house during Friday night's party, not more than a day and a half ago. _That kid loved you. He loved you. And you sent him running. What kind of person does that?_

Sami couldn't deal with the stupid guilt that consumed her. She couldn't deal with any of the stupid, messy emotions bouncing around her mind and constricting her chest.

_Just stop thinking, dammit. Stop. _

She groaned and sat up in bed. The bright red letters on the alarm clock flashed 8:14 at her in what seemed to be a rude, mocking way, and the time only deepened her bad mood. _So much for sleeping in on a weekend_.

Sami forced herself to get up and start a day that could not possibly turn out to be any better than the couple of ones before. She'd felt nothing but guilt, worry, frustration, and anguish since Friday night. Her uncomfortable emotions were eating away at her insides during every waking hour. Soon there would be nothing left of her, and she'd be a vacant shell of flesh and bone. She would look like Sami on the outside, but on the inside there would be a gaping hole, nothing but air where her thoughts, desires, and feelings were supposed to be. She was becoming an abyss.

She didn't know how many more times her thoughts could twist in agonizing circles before they wore themselves down, or how many more knots her stomach could tie itself into until she wouldn't be able to breathe anymore. All she knew was that every moment that passed by was draining her of energy, and draining her of emotion. Every step farther into her own thoughts took her deeper into darkness.

A quick walk through the house revealed that she was the only one up. Sami sat at the kitchen counter and ate breakfast, but it was just an automatic action. She didn't even feel hungry, or cared what she was putting in her mouth. She felt strange: hollowed out and empty, as though the events of the past forty-eight hours had scooped out all her insides and left her with a deep chasm under her flesh, a chasm filled with an anxiety that made her sick to her stomach.

Sami couldn't stand to just stay at home and do nothing. She needed a distraction. She had to get out of here so she didn't have to focus on the feelings that were trying to drown her.

For some reason, the urge to visit Kevin in the hospital settled over her. Maybe if she saw him again, she'd be able to understand her own feelings more—about the song her wrote for her, about Toby and the record deal hanging in the balance and everything else going on at this time. Maybe seeing him would help sort out her confusion. Or maybe it would make her feel better and at peace for just a short while, at least as long as she was there.

Whatever the reasoning behind it was, she had already made the decision to go. Sami abandoned her breakfast, went to retrieve her bike, and wondered if she was insane for constantly visiting someone in a coma whom she barely knew.

The woman behind the counter at the waiting room smiled in recognition when she saw Sami. It was the same woman that had been there when Sami visited Kevin the other two times.

"Great news," she breathed, before Sami could utter a word. "You won't believe it. Your friend woke up! He's no longer comatose, and he's fine. He doesn't have any brain damage, at least not any that we've found so far. Kevin is very lucky."

Sami could do nothing but stare at the woman in shock. Her mind froze, her thoughts coming to a halt and standing entirely still. She couldn't process or register the words.

It took several long moments for the astonishment to wear off, and for Sami to be able to think again.

Kevin was awake. He was _alive_. She didn't seem to be capable of grasping this fact; she hadn't expected it to happen at all. Sami had never thought about what would happen if Kevin would wake up, and now reality was throwing it upon her with no warning.

The first thing that came to her mind was a panicked thought: what were they going to do about Kevin's music now? But she felt terrible as soon as the thought was formed. Kevin could have never woken up from the coma and died, and she was concerned about _herself_? She should have been relieved and grateful, even if she didn't know him that well.

Sami composed her face into a smile and tried not to let the receptionist see how unnerved she was. "That's great," she said, and as she said the words, she realized she really did mean them.

"Well, you know what room he's in. You can go on right ahead. His mother is with him, but I'm sure she won't mind if you see him."

Sami nodded and turned to walk down the hall. It wasn't until she was right outside Kevin's room that the nerves and waves of apprehension washed over her. She hesitated outside the door, and the palm that rested on the doorknob suddenly became sweaty.

What would she say to him? What _could_ she say?_ I'm sorry for scaring you away from our audition, even though it really wasn't my fault and you were the one who chose to run away. I'm sorry that Tanya's car hit you, even though that wasn't my fault either. I'm sorry for stealing your music and using it to become successful, which is the only thing that is really my fault._

But she couldn't tell him that. If he knew, he'd hate her, and he would tell everyone. Her life would be over. She also had to keep Tanya's secret, or the other girl would tell everyone what Sami had done. Besides—she didn't _want_ to spill on Tanya. That just felt wrong, even if Tanya had landed Kevin in the hospital. Tanya had done something horrible, but so had Sami.

_Yeah, but taking the music of someone who could have been in our band isn't as bad as a hit and run … right?_ Sami didn't want to think about that. She was afraid of the answer.

She still had no idea what she was going to say to Kevin, and what he would think of her, but she couldn't hover outside his room like a coward forever. She had to get over with this.

She took a deep breath, opened the door, and strode inside.

Embarrassment had not been one of the things she'd worried about when she had been overwhelmed with doubts about meeting Kevin just outside the room. But as the skinny boy on the hospital bed turned his face in her direction to see who his new visitor was, Sami found herself thinking about the song, and about his feelings for her—and her face flushed with heat. Suddenly it was hard to look him in the eye.

When he saw her, Kevin's brown eyes widened. His lips parted with surprise, and he appeared to be speechless. Sami stood a couple feet away from him, unsure of what to do. She slipped her hands into her pockets because they felt too odd just hanging at her sides.

Kevin looked almost exactly the same as he had when he'd been unconscious, except his cheeks were flushed with red, instead of pale—and it was strange to see his eyes, after they'd been closed for so long.

Mrs. Bushwald was standing on Kevin's left side, holding his hand. She beamed at Sami. She looked so different from the woman Sami had seen at the meditation session that started it all, in what seemed like ages ago. Mrs. Bushwald's whole face was happy, from the corners of her mouth to the irises of her eyes, and all the sadness that Kevin's state had etched into her features was now gone.

"I'm so glad you came to visit him again, dear," she said, her eyes watering. "You're the first friend to see him since he woke up, do you know? I haven't had a chance to tell anyone else. Kevin's father and I have been with him on and off since the doctor called us yesterday." She gestured towards her son as she continued. "I'll give you two space, let you talk to him alone. I can wait outside."

She was gone before Sami could tell her that she didn't want to talk to Kevin alone. It didn't help her nerves that Kevin's mom had closed the door behind her.

Sami glanced back to Kevin, wondering if he was going to say something first. When he didn't, she cleared her throat. "So, um … hi."

She was never a nervous or unconfident person, but for some reason she acted like that now. She wasn't sure what to talk about with someone she didn't know. Kevin just blinked at her, apparently still too stunned to speak.

_I guess it's all up to me to get a conversation going._ _Wonderful_.

She decided to settle for the generic questions. "So … you woke up yesterday, right? How are you?"

The boy finally snapped out of his shell-shocked state. "Y – Yeah, yesterday. And I'm fine," he began. His voice was quiet and shaky, and he stumbled over the words. He was now gazing at Sami with something close to awe. It made Sami feel a little odd. "It was just really weird, because I don't remember what happened, and the last thing I knew before I woke up in a hospital room was auditioning for your band and running out of your garage." Kevin blinked slowly, looking as if he was surprised that so many words had come out of him. It probably wasn't a usual thing.

"When are they going to release you from the hospital?" Sami wondered if the last question was as innocent as it seemed, or if her subconscious was worried about Kevin finding out and then telling everyone about the stolen music.

"They told me they'd let me go in a couple days or so," he said with a shrug. "The doctors just want to run some more tests to make sure I'm okay."

"Right." Why was it so hard to look at him? Sami didn't like how uncomfortable this was.

Kevin hesitated, his eyebrows mashing together as he struggled to say something that he seemed too shy to say. "I'm sorry, but … why are you visiting me? It's not like you're my … _friend_ or anything. You don't even know me. And you … you were mad at me during my audition."

Another blow of guilt struck Sami, but she pushed it away before she could let it get to her head. He had been irritating at the band auditions; she'd snapped at him for a reason.

But had it been a good reason? She hadn't wanted him to audition because it would lower their reputation even more if Kevin was in their band. Maybe she shouldn't have cared about that to begin with.

And maybe if she hadn't snapped at him, he wouldn't have run out into the street and gotten hit by a car.

"Don't worry about that," she told him. "I was just being impatient. But I wasn't actually mad at you. And, well … I know I never really talked to you before, but I visited you a couple times when you were in a coma. I felt bad that you got hit after you ran away from our auditions." The last part wasn't true; she hadn't felt guilty for Kevin's incident, and she'd even decided it was Duder's fault. But now she was starting to wonder if maybe it had been wrong not to feel guilty for what happened.

"Oh. Um, thanks." The tremor was back in his voice. His gaze was on his hands now, and Sami could tell it was even more difficult for him to look at her than it was for Sami to look him in the eye.

A tense silence passed between them. Sami considered leaving, but she stayed where she was without knowing the reason.

She was surprised when he spoke up again. "So … do you think you could tell me what happened at school when I was gone?" That curious expression settled across his features again, the one showing how he seemed to be astonished that coherent words were coming out of his mouth, and shocked to find himself having a conversation with Sami and actually able to speak to her. It was so easy to guess what he was thinking; his emotions projected themselves clearly across his face, enabling Sami to read him.

"Sure." She shifted her weight and noticed how weird it was to talk to him with a wide space between them; it made the conversation feel distant. But she didn't want to move closer to him—that seemed like it would just make things more awkward. So she hovered by the door, uncertain and hesitant and hating every minute of it.

Sami looked for something to tell him. "Not that much went on at school. Everyone was talking about you, though. They all wanted to know what happened to you, and they had a lot of crazy theories. No one knew you got hit by a car. A detective told my brother and me that we shouldn't share the details of what happened with anyone, because it was a hit and run case and that was really serious." She didn't include how frustrating it was that no one had actually _cared_ about him, that they'd all just been interested in the gossip. That would just have made him feel terrible.

Kevin looked at her. "Have they caught the driver?" Worry made his voice waver.

Sami stiffened. She had made the decision not to tell him what Tanya did, but she hadn't thought he'd ask about it. "No," she said after a few moments. "Not yet." The lie didn't even make her voice crack. _Why am I protecting Tanya? She doesn't deserve it. Kevin should know the truth._

_ Yeah, he should know the truth—the whole truth._

Maybe telling Kevin about Tanya's deed meant that Sami would have to tell him about her own.

"Oh." Kevin nodded, and now his eyes were bright with curiosity. "So what else happened? How was Battle of the Bands? You and Duder entered that, didn't you?"

Sami was surprised at his avid questions. She'd never heard him utter a few words before in her life, and suddenly now he was talking with an energy that didn't fit him. He said it all in a shy, nervous manner, but he was _talking_. Maybe being in a coma for a couple weeks did that to you. Maybe the words had always been bubbling inside him, but he'd never had the courage to let them out.

"Yeah, we entered. It was really fun. We didn't win—Tanya and the Hot Girls won, like every year." She rolled her eyes at that, but her skin prickled underneath the casual statement. She didn't see Tanya as the shallow, stupid popular girl anymore, and it felt weird to act as though she still did. "But something really crazy came out of Battle of the Bands. Nigel Waters was there, and he really liked us. He might get us signed." _He only offered because your song made us really good._ The words burned inside her, tearing away at her conscience. The words begged to be free, but she wouldn't let them.

She couldn't tell him. She didn't want Kevin to hate her—especially after he wrote such an amazing song about her that made her feel so special.

"That's really cool!" Kevin grinned at her news, and his entire face lit up. Even his eyes smiled. His happiness was contagious and sincere. It made Sami want to smile too. He looked so benign when he was happy. An odd desire to hug him visited her for an instant.

"Not much else happened, except Toby Phillips, Tanya, and Jim Povolo joined our band, and we changed the name to Little White Lie." Something dropped in her stomach when she mentioned Toby. She hoped Kevin couldn't see it on her face, the affect that Toby's name had on her.

Kevin's eyes grew big again. Sami remembered how Jim had bullied Kevin in the hall that day before everything had started, and she realized how ridiculous it sounded that two of the popular kids had joined their band. She sighed. "It's a long story. Don't ask."

"Okay …" Kevin shrugged.

Quiet took hold of the air once more, except this time it wasn't as awkward as before. Sami still found it hard to look at Kevin. She felt weird knowing he liked her, especially when Kevin didn't know that she knew. It sent pricks of embarrassment crawling across her skin. She almost wanted to tell him how grateful she was for the song he wrote about her, and how remarkable she thought it was, but that was a stupid notion. She wasn't even supposed to know about the existence of that song.

Sami bit her lip. "Look … I'm sorry about how I pressured you at auditions. You were nervous, and I was pushing you to play something. I shouldn't have been so harsh."

"It's okay. I don't blame you." Something flickered in his eyes. Sami noticed his discomfort, and wondered if there was a bigger reason behind his actions during his audition.

"Do you want a place in our band? You can join if you want." She didn't know what prompted her to give him the offer. But he was good. And maybe she could fix everything if Kevin was in Little White Lie.

_Who are you kidding? If Kevin finds out what you did, he won't want anything to do with you. And if he joins the band, there's no way you'd be able to keep the secret from him._

She had to take back the offer. But Kevin looked so excited at her words. He was radiating that contagious happiness again. "Are you _serious_?" He stared at her with amazement. "That – that would be … just … _whoa_." He was at loss for words.

"I always wanted to be in a band," he admitted. "You probably won't believe this, but … I write music; I've written some songs." He said this in the way of a confession, like it was a secret that he was really shy about. His cheeks turned red after the words, and he looked a little humiliated at revealing this to Sami. It struck her how modest he was.

His words barreled into her with painful force. The way he was telling her this, as if it was something that would surprise her—and as if he trusted her enough to let her know something personal about himself—made her feel twice as terrible as she'd every felt about what she had done.

"Oh, that's cool." She didn't mean to brush him off, but she could tell that he was hurt by the hurried way she addressed his confession. His face fell, and his eyes were downcast with disappointment.

_Great job, Sami. Not only did you steal his music, but now you have to hurt the poor kid too? Taking credit for his song wasn't enough for you?_

She couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't be in this room, couldn't look at him for one more second. She couldn't bear to see his soft, vulnerable, innocent expression—couldn't bear to see that awed way he was looking at her. "I – I have to get home," she said, the abrupt dismissal rushing out of her mouth. Then she turned and left the room as fast as she could without running, leaving behind a confused, hurt boy who was probably wondering what he had done to mess up the first real conversation he'd ever had with Sami Reese.

But he wasn't the one who had screwed up.

_You've made of mess out of everything, Sami. Everything._

"Crap, _crap_. This is _bad_," Duder said for the third time. His voice cracked with panic. "What are we going to do?" He ran a hand through his hair in agitation and groaned.

Sami had told her brother about Kevin as soon as he'd woken up. Now they were in her room, and Duder had his head down on her desk.

She was sitting in silence, staring in front of her with a blank expression. She didn't know what to think. Something about Duder's reaction was bothering her, but she couldn't figure out what, or why it was making her fists clench and her body stiffen.

"He's going to find out as soon as he gets out of the hospital." Duder's anxious thoughts were spilling out in a rush, a ramble pouring past his lips. "There's no way he won't. Someone will talk about us, and mention the song. And as soon as he finds out, he'll tell everyone and we'll be dead. Everyone's going to hate us, Sami, and we'll be down to a lower level of scum than we were before, and—Oh, God—we could get in serious trouble for this … Oh, _God_, what if—"

"_Shut. Up_." The syllables came out through clenched teeth, as a sharp hiss. The words dripped with enough poison and venom to burn even her own ears.

Duder opened and closed his mouth, then lifted his head from the table and stared at her.

Before Sami could fully be surprised at the command that had slipped past her lips without her permission, more venom was spitting out of her, and she was yelling. She'd leaped up from her bed without realizing it, and now stood in front of Duder with a furious look on her face. "What the hell is your problem? Kevin just woke up from a freaking _coma_, and all you care about is yourself? Kevin could have _died_. Are you too dense to realize that?"

A wild flare of anger that she couldn't control was scorching through her insides. It was the same flare that always rose up and took possession of her. Her blood surged with the need to lash out. "I can't believe how selfish you are, whining about _our_ stupid problems instead of thinking how lucky Kevin is to be alive. What kind of moron only cares about the problems that they'll have because someone's life was saved?"

As soon as she finished getting it all out, a wave of exhaustion crashed into her, as though the words had been as physically exerting as they'd been harsh. She sank into the bed, and her posture crumbled. She couldn't keep it up anymore.

Sami felt like the yells had used up all her energy—not only the yells, but extracting the thoughts from her mind. She hadn't realized she felt those things until they had come out of her mouth; they had been buried at the back of her mind, locked behind the conscience that she kept trying to hold down and push away.

She was so tired of holding it down.

Duder didn't speak for several moments. He was eyeing her in the wary, nervous way that one eyes a nozzle that could shoot water out of it at any unexpected moment. Once he was sure that she probably wouldn't start yelling once more, he let out a sigh and stopped twisting his hands. "You're right. I shouldn't be thinking like that. I know it's a miracle that Kevin woke up from his coma. It's just ... we're in a serious mess, Sami."

"You think I don't know that?" she snapped. She squeezed her eyes shut and sighed. "I don't want to talk about this, okay?"

"Okay." She heard the catch in his voice, and the rushed way he was agreeing with her so she wouldn't explode again. Her stomach twisted even further into the endless tangle of knots. Why had she shouted at him? He wasn't being selfish. Her brother had a right to freak out. They were in huge trouble. Sami had thought the exact same things as he'd voiced out loud. She didn't know why his words had sparked a rage in her all of a sudden, and why she had attacked him for what he'd said.

No. She _did_ know. She realized it, as she sat on the bed with her eyes pressed closed, as if she could avoid all the complicated and painful things that surrounded her now by keeping herself in darkness. Sami had been yelling at herself more than Duder; he wasn't the one at whom she'd gotten so angry. Duder had echoed her own thoughts—the first thing that touched her mind after she got over the shock of Kevin's revival was what it would mean for the lie Duder and her were living. She felt terrible that she'd been so selfish, and all the accusations she had thrown at Duder were really meant for herself. The first emotion that seized her mind when she found out about Kevin should have been relief.

Sami had been horribly selfish for far too long. She wanted to end it, to end everything.

She wished she could. If only she it could just be over, and she could stop. But she was stuck in deep, and she couldn't climb out.

"I know you don't want to talk about Kevin ... but can we talk about the deal with Kings Records that Nigel asked us about?"

Sami didn't want to have to think about that now, either. The problem with Nigel Waters's offer wasn't that she couldn't decide whether to take it or not. The problem was that she had already decided, and she was ashamed of her decision. She knew she was doing the wrong thing, and yet she couldn't refuse. She wanted it too much. Something she'd only wildly dreamed about was a few inches away from her fingers, almost close enough to touch. She couldn't walk away from that. Sami was too far in too back out now—and that realization made her hate herself.

"What do you want to talk about? We already decided. We're doing it." The words felt dead and empty to her ears.

"Yeah, I know. But yesterday morning, Nigel told us to call him in the afternoon, and we didn't because ... well, you were really upset the whole day. So I think we need to call him now and tell him we'll take the deal."

"Okay." Sami was about to tell Duder to go call Nigel himself when she realized that maybe she wasn't so sure with her decision to say yes. Now that she'd seen Kevin awake and talked to him, it felt more wrong than it had ever felt before to keep using his music. She wanted the deal so badly. But she didn't know if she could do it.

She just didn't know, and she hated not knowing. Everything was twisting into a vortex of confusion and uncomfortable feelings. She couldn't escape the disgusting atmosphere that clung to her skin, the atmosphere that made her feel like such a horrible person. "I'm going to go call him."

It seemed to take years to get to the phone, and even longer to dial the number that Duder showed her from his cell. Sami felt as though she were floating above the situation, floating somewhere cold and hot at the same time, a place that chilled her bones but flushed her skin with uncomfortable heat. She was detached from the conversation. Sami's head pounded as she gave Nigel her answer and listened to what he said in response. The heat that licked at her arms was crawling up to her neck and suffocating her. She was sweating, her pores reeking with the badness of the state in which she was.

Hanging up the phone was like emerging from a dank, tiny hole into the air of a sealed cave; now she could breathe, but it wasn't much easier to do so than it had been in the hole.

"Why did you tell him we'll _think _about the record deal?" Duder asked, looking at her in disbelief. "I thought we said we'd do it."

"I don't know, okay?" She couldn't explain her sudden hesitance in carrying this out, especially when just yesterday she'd told Duder they were going through with it, in a determined, firm manner.

"Well, what did Nigel say?"

"He was fine with it. He said to take my time, and that he'll wait for us to call him when we decide."

"So what are we going to decide? And _when_?"

She just shook her head without knowing the meaning behind the action, and then spun off in the direction of her room. She couldn't deal with it. She couldn't stand another moment of it.

When had this become so hard?


	2. Chapter 2

Sunday Night

Insomnia kept Sami trapped in its sharp, unyielding claws. The covers tangled around her body, trapping her in a sticky spider web that disabled her to move or breathe and locking her in a cocoon of worries. She had too many thoughts to sleep.

She was thinking about the turmoil that boiled inside—a turmoil so fierce, it turned her stomach over and made her feel sick. The same thoughts kept circling through her mind: _You've created a mess, Sami. You started this. Duder and you are caught in the middle of a mess, and it's too late to get out of it. You can't avoid karma forever; sooner or later, there'll be consequences. And it's all your fault._

But something else was pestering her mind. It was a trivial thing, compared to the dangerous predicament of Kevin's music—yet it bothered her just as much as the first issue.

That matter was Toby.

He'd called her on Saturday, and she hadn't picked up. He'd left her another message today, when his call once more went unanswered. Sami wasn't exactly sure why she was ignoring him, and why she didn't want to talk to him; she just knew that she _couldn't_. She couldn't hear his voice, the voice that sent knotted emotions into her chest.

Sami wasn't mad at him. She was confused, unsure of what to do and of what she felt. She didn't want to have to sort out her feelings about him and figure out what they were, because she was afraid of what she would find. And if she talked to him, she'd have to deal with her feelings.

Sami buried herself deeper into the cocoon and refused to feel.

She could try to push aside her feelings, but no matter what she attempted, her thoughts and anxieties would not leave her alone. She could put off figuring out what she felt for Toby, but she couldn't prevent her mind from wandering and dwelling on him.

She remembered kissing him with a sudden vivid wisp of memory. Her fingers flew to her lips and touched them, as if to make sure the incident really had happened, and that her mind wasn't just making it up. The wisp of memory roared to life and become a wave, crashing into her with unbelievable force, and suddenly she could taste it. She felt the fire in the harmony of his mouth on hers, and the warmth of his soft hand against her cheek. She felt her skin tingle.

She felt the ferocity of Tanya's eyes burning into hers as the other girl stood in the doorway, her expression shattered with the broken pieces of what she just witnessed.

Sami closed her eyes, as though that would erase the image, but it only burned brighter under her eyelids.

Even Toby was something she hadn't been supposed to do. She had known he was with Tanya and she'd kissed him anyway. Sami had hurt Tanya, and they'd almost become friends. Everything she did was a mistake that wounded someone. She had pushed down everyone who could have been her friend.

But that was what she wanted to do, wasn't it? That was what she'd been trying to do for two years, ever since it happened.

_If you don't hurt people, they'll hurt you._ She had learned that the hard way. It was a survival tip she had been following for so long, sometimes she forgot the reasons behind it, or that she hadn't always been this way. It was such a normal part of her now, such a natural behavior upon which to act.

What had she been thinking? Her old, soft, vulnerable self had slipped from behind the layers of walls she'd constructed in front of it, and had started to show through to Toby. But she _knew_ better than to let that happen. Sure, Toby was nice, and he seemed like he'd never do anything to hurt her. But so had Briana and Kristen.

_You can't trust people, because they always go and stab you in the back._ She shouldn't have showed her raw self to Toby, because the last time she'd opened up ... _No_. Sami forced herself not to remember.

It was a torment-filled while before sleep embraced her that night.


	3. Chapter 3

Monday Morning

School passed by in an unorganized blur. The day was a whirlwind of guilt, stomach knots, and a headache—a tornado of nerves jangling, going haywire. Flashes of emotions, images, and strands of details stood out from the rest—flashes that seemed much too vivid, too clear, too _real_, like a movie playing way too close to her eyes, the volume turned up on ear-shaking high, blasting through her body. Sami saw everything through flashes.

_Flash._

The excited spark in Duder's eye as he told her that Nigel called in the morning when she'd biked ahead of him to school because he had been running late, energy radiating from him as he talked with his hands.

_Flash_.

The hollow, dim echo of Duder's words, reverberating through her head: something about how Nigel had found a slot for them to have a gig the next day as the opening act of a more famous band. The assertive layers behind Duder's voice as he explained how Nigel thought it would help them warm up to the idea of getting a record deal, as if Sami had already said yes to it.

_Flash_.

Nothing but self-disappointment, piercing through her—disappointment that came when she felt her own excitement for it, and the frustration at herself when her lips spoke words she didn't agree with, words that accepted the opportunity for a gig.

_Flash_.

The empty spot that belonged to Toby in class. Squirming insides and jittering veins, caused by his vacant seat. Relief flooding her at his absence, confirming that she wasn't ready to see him yet.

_Flash_.

Duder telling Jim at lunch—the only other person sitting at their table—about the gig, announcing that there would be practice afterschool to prepare for it. Feeling set apart, cut off from everything around her, from the conversation buzzing across the table. She was the only one who felt uncomfortable with the gig, the only one who knew it was wrong. Her knowledge, isolating her, distancing her from the others.

_Flash_.

Tanya sitting across the cafeteria, the only one at that entire table. Alone. Tanya, looking wrecked and lost—shoulders hunched, face broken.

_Flash_.

The sight of Tanya across the room, reminding Sami that she hadn't yet told her brother that she knew the identity of the hit and run driver. She wanted to tell Duder, but there was a part of her that didn't: the part that respected Tanya for not telling anyone about Sami's plagiarism.

_Flash_.

The horrible feeling of keeping something from her brother, washing over her skin. The question, stabbing her mind with a razor-sharp blade: How much longer could she keep secrets and unspoken words trapped inside before they exploded and tumbled out of her?

_Flash_.

Guilt. Clammy, white-hot guilt, etched across her skin—tainting her every breath, swarming every cell of her body. The power that the emotion dominated over her, consuming every fiber of her entire being, making her feel filthy and repulsive. The reflection of her personality, showing the image of a monster.

_Flash_.

The shame that was always there, pulsing next to her heartbeat. Heat rushing to her face, nausea churning her stomach. Sweat rolling on her forehead, induced by the terrorizing emotions.

_Flash_.

Nothing. Nothing but mental strain and tension, driving her insane.


	4. Chapter 4

Monday Afternoon

Practice started out on a bad note. Jim was the first one to arrive at Sami's house, and Duder came soon after him—he hadn't gone home with Sami before. She hadn't been able to find him anywhere afterschool, and had biked home by herself. Now he entered the garage with an odd grin on his face; it looked like a guilty smile.

Sami groaned. What had he done?

"Duder, we need to talk," she hissed, before he could even greet them. "Inside. Now."

He swallowed. He knew the expression on his sister's face: it meant he was in trouble. He nodded to Jim and let Sami drag him into the house.

Sami shut the garage door and turned to look at him, her eyes narrowed. "Where have you_ been_? I waited for you after school, and then you don't show up until now? What were you doing?"

"Sami, calm down. I was doing something good, okay? I was fixing one of our problems."

She didn't have a good feeling about this. "What do you mean?"

"I just got back from Kevin's house." Duder's tone was placid, but he was giving Sami that look out of the corner of his eyes, trying to predict her reaction and brace himself for it. "After school, I took all of Kevin's sheet music from your room, and then I went to his house. I told his mom I just wanted to check on Kevin, to ask how he was doing. She told me and talked to me for a bit. When I left, I sneaked all of Kevin's songs back in his garage, so he won't be suspicious when he comes home to find it missing."

She didn't know what to say, or how to take this. It bothered her, just like Duder's reaction to the news about Kevin had twanged her nerves. But Sami didn't have the energy to yell at Duder anymore, and she didn't want to when the only person she had a right to be mad at was herself. She just looked at him, and finally settled on words that didn't convey what she really wanted to say at all. "Why did you run off after school and do it without telling me?"

He spoke in a hurried mutter. "Because I thought you'd be mad, since you were mad when I was freaking out about our problems before."

Sami sighed. "I'm not mad. It's just ..." She hesitated, then decided to keep her queasiness to herself. "Never mind. It doesn't matter. Let's just forget about it, okay?"

"Okay." His eyebrows were raised, and he looked surprised that she was brushing it off so easily. But he wasn't about to argue. "Hey, about today's practice ... I texted Toby and Tanya about it. Toby said he's coming, and Tanya didn't answer."

She nodded. Her stomach dropped at the thought of seeing Toby again. As for Tanya ... Sami didn't know if she would show up, but she couldn't tell Duder that.

_Why not? Why are you keeping this from him? He's your brother._

"Let's go back inside." She turned to the door, but Duder stopped her with his hand.

"Wait. Um ... Sami? There's another problem. Nigel said that our gig is short, just a few minutes; we don't even have a full opening. So we only have time to play _It's Over Now_, which is good, since we don't have anything else. But ... I was just wondering, in the future, if ..." He bit his lip. Uncertainty and indecision were tearing his face apart. "If Nigel wants more songs, what are we going to do? Would we—would we take—" He faltered when he saw Sami shake her head.

"_No_." Sami's tone was sharp. Duder's implication made her feel sick to her stomach. Just the thought of taking another one of Kevin's songs was too horrible to bear.

Duder took a deep breath. "Okay. We'll figure out what we're going to do when we get there, alright? Now let's go practice." He opened the door and waited for her, but she gestured for him to go ahead.

Sami stood there, staring at the closed door, her mind spinning. She knew what was bothering her so much about Duder's action to return the sheet music so they wouldn't get caught. Duder used to be good—so much better than Sami was. He'd known what was right, and he had been against the whole thing from the beginning. He'd never wanted to steal the music or use it, but Sami had convinced him to do it. She'd caught him up in the web of lies that she had started-she'd ensnared him when he wouldn't have been ensnared on his own, if she hadn't interfered. Sami had sucked Duder into this and made him think it wasn't such a terrible thing.

And now he was asking if they were going to steal another one of Kevin's songs. He wouldn't have even _thought_ something like that two weeks ago. She had changed him.

This couldn't go on for any longer. She had to end it.

She kept telling herself that. But she wanted to do the gig, and she was going to go through with it. Her own desire held her prisoner.

How could she end this when she didn't _want_ to stop?

Duder, Jim, and Sami were practicing when Toby arrived. "Sorry I'm late." He put down his case and took out his guitar, then got to work on setting up.

"Don't worry about it." Jim nodded at Toby from behind the drums. "Why weren't you at school?"

"I didn't feel good. I'm fine now, though." Toby raised his head and smiled. "So. Our first real performance, with an audience outside of school, huh? What do you guys say? This is going to be awesome."

The others agreed, except for Sami. She couldn't bring herself to say anything.

Toby's eyes settled on Sami, and she felt herself blush. She dropped her gaze from his. His eyes seemed to burn her skin.

"Where's Tanya?" Duder asked, looking at the garage door with a hopeful expression.

Toby's face fell. "Um ... I just talked to her before I came. Well, kind of. She's been ignoring me since Friday—" Here he glanced at Sami before quickly moving his gaze away. "But she did tell me one thing. She said … she's dropping out of the band. She's leaving Little White Lie."

"What? _Why_?" Duder's eyes were round, his eyebrows pulled together. He had the appearance of a little boy whose parents had just told him that they weren't going to give him a birthday party this year.

"I don't know." Toby frowned. "She wouldn't tell me. She wouldn't even say anything to me after that."

Sami was the only one who knew the reason, and the weight of this knowledge crushed her. Cold disappointment sloshed through her, and her spirits sank. She had expected this, but that didn't make it any easier. Sami had spent so long and then succeeded in teaching Tanya how to sing, and the girl had been so happy to be part of the band. And that was all thrown away because Sami had made another bad decision and did something she shouldn't have done.

"Well, that really sucks." Jim's loud, booming voice was its usual deadpan.

They were all disappointed; Sami saw it in the downcast lines of their faces, in the slump of their shoulders. But there was no use dwelling on what had happened. Sami let it go, feeling too weak and devoid of energy to linger on the problem. Everything was spiraling down, spiraling out of control, and she was too worn out to put up a fight. "Alright. Let's get this started." She forced herself to avoid looking at Toby as she counted in the band.

The music wrapped around Sami like a comforting blanket, something onto which she could cling. It was so easy to forget everything and sing, to let her voice merge with the metallic strums of the guitars and the beat of the drums. For at least this moment, she could stop worrying and escape the guilt that always followed her and acted as her shadow. As long as she was singing, there was nothing but her voice and the music, and she could just relax. She could even forget that it wasn't right for them to sing this song, because she was in her element.

She found it hard to look directly at Toby the entire time. But he was standing right next to her. It was impossible to prevent their gazes from colliding, and their eyes met in the middle of the song. Toby looked at her with a question in his eyes, a question to which Sami didn't know the answer.

She couldn't help it. As the four of them played the song that was now so familiar to her, her ears marveled at the beautiful way the notes blended together. Their instruments wove together a melody that sounded _good._ And she was _making_ something this good. Despite everything, she was enjoying it. Excitement that she didn't deserve to feel sparked inside her. She was looking forward to the gig, their first outside of school performance as Little White Lie. The fact that it was wrong couldn't stop the rush of anticipation.

Maybe it was just the high that came from the music. But in that moment, her thoughts came alive with thrill, and took a positive turn. Her fantasy was so close to becoming reality, and she'd be damned if she wasn't going to seize it.


	5. Chapter 5

Monday Night

Sami's mind was in a frenzy.

The rush that had entered her mind during the practice session was still there. She couldn't wait for the show tomorrow. The guilt was still hovering at the back of her mind, but she could push it away and ignore it, because for now, her excitement overpowered everything else.

Just like last night, her mind had somehow crawled back to Toby without her even noticing. It was holding on to strands of memory again, as it always seemed prone to do before she fell asleep. For some reason, flashes from the time she'd gone into Sweet Water Records to put up audition flyers were darting across her mind.

Toby was playing that song in the music store, and she was watching him—watching the way his hand flew across the neck of the guitar, the way his face danced with emotion and passion when he sang. The brightness in his eyes had drawn her to him, as had his incredible, stunning voice; both had sparked her interest. Sami remembered how she'd been intrigued by him, and how in awe she'd been of his talent.

The sparks of details and emotions in the memory showed Sami that her feelings for him didn't all come from just Kevin's song for her that Toby had sung. She'd been drawn to him before he sang it. But she hadn't really started falling until he sang _Sami_ to her, and the song had awoken so many feelings. So what did that mean?

For the second time, Sami wondered for whom her feelings really were. Why wasn't she sure that she liked Toby, and why did she keep doubting what she felt? She wished she knew where the strings of her affection led, and at which place they ended.

Here she was, thinking about that song again. She appeared to be cursed with dwelling on it every night. Her thoughts were now wandering down the song's path. She wondered when Kevin wrote it, and how long he'd felt that way about her. When had he started noticing her? How long had he been hiding feelings that no one knew? How long could he have been staring at her in class and thinking so highly of her when she wasn't even aware of it? A warm glow was blossoming in her chest from the questions, a glow that she couldn't define, or explain the reason behind it.

The freezing water of reality extinguished the glow. Tanya's words from the party on Friday turned the glow to acid, cutting through the thoughts of Kevin liking her. Now the kaleidoscope of memories in her head was reflecting that night in jagged strips of sharp colors.

She didn't want to relive the end of that night. She didn't want to remember the horrible realization about Tanya, or the pain twisting the other girl's features when Sami had confronted her about it. She didn't want to think about that, but her mind didn't listen to her.

Guilt was claiming her mind for his own once more, sneaking his dark thoughts into her head.

When Sami had found out Tanya was the driver of the car that hit Kevin, it had been terrible. But she realized that it had also felt a little _good_—and relieving. It had meant that she could push the blame away from herself and share it with someone, and it had made her feel better about her own crime.

But her deed was bad without comparing it to what someone else did.

No. She wasn't going to let guilt consume her once more—not this night. Tonight she was going to feel nothing but excitement for the gig. She pushed the darkness to the back of her mind, where it would lurk until the next night. It would wait patiently to ambush her, wait until the time was right to pounce and hold her victim in its jaws, and then it would throw her into yet another prison of painful thoughts and memories.

Maybe she'd be forced to relive unpleasant memories until she stopped playing Kevin's music. _Well, then I guess I'll be plagued with these thoughts every night, because I'm doing the show tomorrow and if there will be more, I'll do them._

_I'm not willing to give this up._


	6. Chapter 6

Tuesday Evening: Part One

"Hi. I'm Sami Reese, and we're Little White Lie. This song is called _It's Over Now_."

Rows and rows of eyes were all on her as she spoke into the microphone. It was such an amazing feeling, to be under a spotlight in the middle of a stage while a mass of people stared up at her. She couldn't believe this was happening. It was too good to be true. They'd only been on the stage for a minute, they hadn't even started—and yet it already felt surreal.

The gig was at an all-ages club downtown. Sami wasn't sure how many people were there, but it seemed like hundreds to her. She'd never performed in front of this many before.

She looked at her band mates. Duder was grinning at her with a face full of ecstasy, incredulity, and wildness. Toby's expression mirrored the one that Duder wore. Even Jim's usually blank face was lit up with his excitement.

Sami couldn't help smiling along with them. There was no feeling comparable to being on stage, performing in front of an audience.

Something festered at the back of her mind, a tiny uncomfortable prick: Tanya should have been here, on stage with the rest of the band. But Sami wouldn't let herself reside on a negative thing when she was in the middle of an experience like this.

"Ready?" She looked at the others with her face shining. They all nodded.

This was it. _This was it_.

"One, two, three, four!"

Jim started the drums. Sami closed her eyes and counted the beats until her cue. She began playing. She heard Toby and Duder join in next to her. And then she opened her mouth and sang.

_"__There it goes, another one is gone. Another try, another one is wrong …"_

She had never experienced something like this before. There was a rush, shooting through her veins. Energy and thrill beat through her blood, reviving her. She felt so _alive_.

Colored lights flashed down on her, layering her vision with bright shades of red, pink, orange, and green. The world was a blur of colors, like watercolor bleeding together on paper. The music pulsed through her body, danced with her racing heartbeat, carried and swept her away.

The crowd was cheering—cheering for _her_. It was what she'd always wanted. She had gotten a taste of it during Battle of the Bands, and now it was so much more real. She was getting a bigger piece of this type of life, this type of experience. Her fantasy was coming true.

"… _No one knows,__I've never really felt …"_

Sami's fingers were flying across the strings, dancing across the metal. Her left hand was sliding and shifting across the frets on the neck, and her right hand was picking and strumming and tapping across the middle of the instrument. The sounds of the guitar flooded her ears.

Suddenly, there was no audience in front of her. All the people were gone. There was nothing but her and the music—her, the music, and the band.

Any doubts or misgivings she'd had about the show were buried deep at the back of her head, and so were any ashamed thoughts. She was flying over them, riding the waves of music. She was finally able to breathe. Her worries and frustrations were washing away, fading from her mind. The guitar drifted across her shoulders and relaxed them. The notes trickled into her chest and untangled the knots of stress there.

Everything was gone. The self-disgust, the endless tunnel of pressure and guilt—it had all disappeared. The only thing was the music, dancing around the room.

"… _I want to make a statement, about the pictures and their awful placement …"_

The music didn't seem to be only coming from the four of them. It seemed as though there were invisible instruments all around them, dotted along the walls of the stage, spread out in the corners of the room like blotches of paint splattered in random places on a canvas. Ghosts were playing unseen keyboards and guitars and drum sets, their invisible hands gliding across strings and keys, creating melodies that harmonized with each other.

The ghosts began playing with Sami and the band, mixing their pretty notes with Little White Lie's raw ones. The fingers of the ghosts and the band members came together to create a masterpiece, a melody layered with harmonies and the voices of many different instruments. They were a symphony of guitars.

The combination of their music was what shot Sami into the sky, what made her soar. The intertwining melodies lifted her up and took her away. They held her far away from all the ugliness in her mind, way down below her, on earth. She was above everything, floating away with her band's dancing notes and the imagined music of the ghosts.

Sami closed her eyes and let the ghosts carry her away.

"… _I tried to be the one, but it's over now. It's over now__ …"_

Everything was so vivid, the detail of each sound sharp and clear. Her ears picked out the chords in the music, the strumming patterns. She noticed the tiny sound of the pick scraping against the string. She heard the echo that shimmered in the air after each strum, the leftover vibrations from the note.

She felt the rhythm of the drums through her body. Her own heartbeat pulsed through her blood, her ears, her veins. It filled her head and accompanied the music singing around her, held it up, gave it a frame.

She drank in more details of the song—the accents on a few certain chords, like italics in a sentence; the light sliding noise of fingers changing position on the frets.

Sami's imagination ran wild, and she envisioned many different guitars placed around the club. She saw the guitars that the ghosts were playing. On one side of her were the electric guitars; skinny bodies with sparkling colors, white centers, and thin silver strings. On the other side were acoustic ones; thick figures with round edges, silky painted surfaces, mixes of gold and clear strings. The gaps in the center were like air holes for them to breathe. These were living creatures. Musical _beings_ surrounded her.

She could live off an experience like this. Her mind spiraled down a path of what-if's as she sang. Sami would accept the record deal, and Little White Lie could become famous. They'd have shows like this one all the time, but there would be even more people, and the crowd would be cheering for them even louder. The possibilities thrilled her.

"… _I can see the loneliness in you. I know it well, and everybody's got it too …"_

Sami turned to look at Toby. He smiled at her, a smile full of warmth and laughter and all of the wild elation that the performance was giving both of them. She sang and he strummed, her voice interlacing with his chords, weaving between his notes. A connection formed between them, a connection that passed between their eyes as her voice and his guitar became one. For a moment, all the complications between them lay forgotten.

Then reality slapped Sami across the cheek and broke the connection.

All of a sudden, the lights were glaring into her face. The rush of noise seemed to surround her and overwhelm her. The gig was taking an opposite turn, and everything became wrong.

"… _That's how it seems__, b__ut when I'm walking through the halls …"_

The music no longer let her escape, and now she had nowhere to hide from the shame—the shame that would always come back to find her, no matter what she did. She couldn't enjoy this anymore. Something was gnawing at Sami's insides, veiled underneath the incredible experience.

Singing in front of a huge audience was indescribable. She wanted it to be that simple, wanted to just escape in the fervor of the show. She wanted to continue letting the crowd's energy fuel her and to keep savoring every moment of this event. She wished she could sing and let herself go without caring about the strings attached.

But these weren't her words. This wasn't her song. And this wasn't her dream.

It was Kevin's. Everything was Kevin's. Sami hadn't only stolen his music—she was stealing Kevin's dream from him.

"… _I don't know what is worse than__ f__eeling like you're not a person …"_

Guilt clutched her heart with his cold steel hands. Sami's skin tingled all over with badness. Her heart was in her mouth, and her pulse raced. She felt like she was going to puke.

Her vision turned into flashes again, choppy frames that flickered past her.

_Flash_.

Her stomach contorting around itself, her breathing coming out in shallow bursts. She was almost hyperventilating.

_Flash_.

That foul feeling spreading over her. She felt so _gross_.

_Flash_.

Flying, flying out of control. Everything. She was helpless.

_Flash_.

Colors suddenly blazing everywhere—colors that had nothing to do with the lights shining onstage. Colors blinding her, surrounding her. Red. Yellow. Red. Orange. Colors attacking her.

_Flash_.

Felt her mind slipping away. Falling. Trying to grab onto something, but there was nothing other than the colors. Red. Yellow. Orange. Falling.

_Flash_.

Time slowed down, heat swarming across her skin. Nausea and guilt, exploding through her body—it was too much. The guilt took entire control of her, and she couldn't take it anymore.

The flashes grew more abrupt and choppy; they reached the climax and turned panicked, like the crescendo of notes, darting faster and louder as the peak drew near. The flashes ignited with a burst—and then it was all over.

_"… __I tried to be the one but it's over now. It's over—"_

Sami stopped playing. Her voice choked off. The metallic screech of her guitar cutting off rang through the room. She had broken off in the middle of the song.

The beautiful fantasy of being famous and having shows like this become her life evaporated like rainwater disappearing from a hot sidewalk when the sun came out. The morning dew evaporated, and all Sami had left in its place was a cold, drooping leaf.

The others stopped playing at her lead. Silence spilled through her ears. Everything was different without the music. The emptiness in the air wrenched Sami back down to earth, tore her out of the fantasy in which she was. The imaginary symphony of guitars around the room disappeared. The ghosts also ceased to play; their fingers halted their dancing, and they floated over the invisible strings, waiting for permission to play again. But they wouldn't get it. She was not going to give them permission.

She was done.

Sami looked out at the crowd. They were staring at her with shock and confusion, muttering questions to each other. She looked at her band mates, and they wore expressions equal to those of the members of the audience. _What are you doing, Sami? What's going on?_

She didn't care what they thought. It was over. She was finally ending it.

Sami spun away from the mike and walked offstage. But without knowing why, she stayed in the wings and watched.

Toby glanced after her with concern and uncertainty. Sami didn't respond to his gaze. He seemed to pull himself together, and took the initiative. He stepped up to the microphone and started to finish the song. Duder and Jim came back in quickly after he began to sing.

Toby had saved the song, but the energy was gone, and the crowd could feel it. Sami had ruined Little White Lie's first real performance—but she hadn't deserved to have that performance. Walking out on the song had felt more right than anything she'd done in weeks.

There was nothing left for her here anymore. Sami turned away from the stage and headed for home.


	7. Chapter 7

Tuesday Evening: Part Two

The others confronted Sami about ten minutes later. They must have started for her house as soon as their performance ended.

"Why did you do that, Sami?" Duder demanded as he entered the house, Jim and Toby following him inside.

"Sami, is everything okay?" Toby's voice was gentle, a mask of worry across his face. "What's wrong? Did something happen while you were singing?"

Sami just looked at them, unable to form the words. The telephone rang before she had to try. She was grateful for the distraction as she answered it, but the voice on the other end instantly killed her relief.

"Sami, what were you thinking? You ruined your first show! Why did you leave in the middle of the song?" It was Nigel.

A surge of confidence suddenly struck her. She knew what she had to do, and she knew that she finally had the strength to do it. "The band is over. Little White Lie is done." She slammed the phone down.

They all stared at her as though she had horns growing out of her head.

Duder gaped at her, shaking his head with disbelief. "Have you gone _crazy_?"

"I don't understand, Sami." Toby's features tightened with bewilderment. His eyebrows mashed into each other, and his eyes were clear and vulnerable. "Why?"

And the moment arrived, at long last. The heavy words were spilling out of her for the first time, words she'd struggled to hold down for so long—words she had bore on her shoulders by herself for far too much time. She couldn't keep them inside anymore. "Because Kevin was the one supposed to be up on that stage, not me. Because I'm done with taking Kevin's dream for my own. I'm done stealing from him."

She could see on Duder's face that he realized what she was about to do. He made a low sound in his throat—a mix between a moan and a whimper—and buried his head in his hands.

Jim just appeared to be confused. But Toby looked from Sami to Duder slowly, his expression frozen. He seemed to detect the hazard behind Sami's words. There was an edge to his features, something hard and dangerous underneath them, like the glint of a dagger on the inside of someone's coat. His eyes were blazing. "What are you saying? What does this have to do with that Bushwald guy?"

She took a deep breath and let out the words that had been eating away at her insides for weeks. "I didn't write any of the songs you saw on my desk, not even _It's Over Now_. Kevin did. I—I took it from his house a while ago."

That was it. They were finally out.

Yet she felt no sense of relief, no release from her burden with her confession. The guilt still gripped her, in a grasp just as tight and suffocating as ever. Saying her deed aloud only seemed to make it more real, and more horrible. It was so much worse to hear it out loud, and it was so painful to admit it.

She was afraid to set her eyes on Toby. Sami was terrified of his reaction. But she made herself raise them to his face.

He was staring at her, just staring. Utter shock glazed over his face, trapping his expression still. It was a while before he could move, before he could snap out of the astonishment. Slowly, he shook his head. "_Why_?" His voice was treacherously quiet, soft enough to cut her ears. Sami wished he'd yell and curse at her instead. This cold disappointment was ten times worse. It slashed through her, cut her to the core.

She wasn't aware of how Jim was reacting. She had eyes only for Toby.

"Why would you do that, Sami?" His tone was an icy knife, a knife that pierced Sami's chest. His beautiful eyes were two flickering flames, flames that burned with fury. Hurt and something close to disgust shadowed his face, and it broke Sami in half.

"I—" She tried to start explaining, but her voice faltered when she realized that she couldn't. She had nothing to say. There were no words that could justify what she had done.

Toby just stood there for a while. Finally, he let out a low, frigid murmur. "You _lied_ to me. To everyone. I thought …" His voice cracked. "I thought you were different." He opened his mouth, but he had no other words to form.

Toby left. He picked up his guitar case and walked out of the door. Sami wanted to call after him, but she didn't. She let him go because she knew he was right, and she knew she deserved it.

Duder was a mess. His hair was sticking up from where he'd torn his hands through it. A combination of shame and horror was spread across his face.

Jim was frowning at Sami. "Are you sorry for taking Kevin's music?"

"Yeah, I am." But why did it matter that she was sorry if she didn't stop using it, even when she regretted stealing it?

He shrugged. "Well, then I don't see why it's a problem, if you wish you hadn't. I'll stay in the band. You're still an awesome singer."

She barely even registered Jim's words. The look on Toby's face was trapped in her mind, and his jabbing words reverberated through her head.

Sami turned and raced to her room, fighting back tears, feeling the regret for everything pulse through her body. She'd finally confessed her crime, but it had only made her feel worse. And she had thought that when she finally told the others what she'd done, she would stop feeling so guilty. Was she ever going to escape these horrible feelings?


	8. Chapter 8

Tuesday Evening: Part Three

"_Why would you do that, Sami? … I should have known better than to be friends with a liar. Because that's all you are, Sami Reese … You lied to me. To everyone. I thought you were different … That kid loved you. And you sent him running. What kind of person does that?"_

All her mistakes were echoing through her mind, stuck on repeat. Everything that had happened was replaying out in her head, and Sami found herself remembering how she'd gotten caught up in the web that sucked her in, and how the entire mess had started.

At first, stealing Kevin's music hadn't been a decision. It had just been an impulse. She'd been listening to his music in his garage, and it was so _good_, and she had been thinking about what Duder had said … _with music like this he could have been the coolest kid in the school … _She had been thinking about how much she wanted that, how much she didn't want to be a loser anymore.

She'd been listening to Kevin's song, and she thought about how he'd auditioned for her band. He'd wanted to be in it. He would have given them his music, and it could have been theirs, and they'd sound amazing at Battle of the Bands. The fantasy had begun to spin gold in her mind's eye, and the fantasy had been too beautiful for her not to have it for her own. She hadn't been able to let go of it. She'd almost been insane with her own longing and wild imagination, insane with the strength of her desire.

Even though her mind had justified it, had told her that Kevin would have given her the song if he was awake, her conscience had known it was wrong. But she couldn't pass it up, and she hadn't thought anything would come out of it. And in that one instant, when Kevin's mom had come looking for them and Duder had ran out the door, Sami had turned back and seen the music, and in the heat of the moment—in the head rush that came from almost being caught—the gold thread of the fantasy had wrapped around her wrist and squeezed. It was because of the fantasy's pressure that she'd grabbed the music as she had left.

From then on, she'd had the music in her room, so it wasn't like she could just not do anything about having it. She had already stolen it, so she might as well use it.

When she had played the song during Battle of the Bands, it had felt so good to have everyone love her. The fantasy had been real and she'd been living it, and it was so much more amazing than when she'd first glimpsed it in Kevin's garage. Battle of the Bands was a taste of something more, a taste with which she couldn't settle. It was a taste of which she needed to try more. The thread of fantasy had whispered in her ear and promised more if she kept using Kevin's music.

It had kept escalating, and she hadn't wanted to fall out of the fantasy and go back to what she was before. To stop singing Kevin's song would have been to shatter the fantasy, and she couldn't have let that happen—not when it had been finally real.

If it wasn't for Kevin's music, Duder and her wouldn't have become popular. They'd still be losers. And if Sami hadn't listened to the fantasy and hadn't used Kevin's song, Toby would have never noticed her. But did either of those things even matter?

She remembered the moment when everything had changed, the moment when the fantasy had started entirely controlling her: when Zack had held out the clipboard in the wings of Battle of the Bands and had asked Sami if they were still Reese's Pieces. The fantasy had guided her, told her what to do; it had spoken of a new, dangerous name that fit the web that Sami was spinning. The fantasy's web had been triumphant, and from then on it had consumed her mind.

The fantasy had kept wrapping its web of gold thread around her, ensnaring her, wrapping her even tighter and tighter—until eventually, she had been ensnared so tight, she hadn't been able to breathe or move. But even when she had become trapped—even when the fantasy had turned into a dangerous and horrible nightmare—she'd kept fighting, kept burrowing further into the web and getting tangled up even more. Even when she'd seen that she had to get out, that she was caught and wrapped too tightly in the dangerous web, she hadn't wanted to escape.

But Sami now knew that there was only one way to break free of the web: to snip the golden thread of the fantasy once and for all. It wasn't a beautiful thread anymore; now, it was poison, poison that followed the fantasy's beauty, poison that came back to burn through her veins.

The only way out was to destroy the web of spun gold.


	9. Chapter 9

Wednesday Noon

Kevin returned to school that day. The hospital had apparently released him the night before. He'd made a full recovery, with no signs of any brain damage.

The whole school buzzed with activity and chatter at the development. Kevin was in the spotlight—everyone asked him questions, wanting to know what happened and how he was. He was the shiny new toy for all the students.

Sami could see how shocked he was as kids surrounded him, pushing others out of the way to talk to him. He had never received any amount of attention at all, let alone this much of it. He didn't handle the attention very well; he was very awkward and embarrassed, staring at his feet and stammering most of his answers. But no one seemed to care.

It was so weird seeing Kevin at school, after everything that had happened—especially after what had happened last night. Sami didn't know what to make of it.

During lunch, Sami approached him and invited him to sit with her, Duder, and Jim. Kevin and her made small talk as they sat, and Sami was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. Whenever he gave her that smile filled with bubbling happiness, Sami couldn't help returning it.

Sami watched Kevin as he ate his lunch. For some reason, she was remembering hearing his voice for the first time in his garage recording studio on the CD, and how stunned she'd been by his talent. The glow came back to her chest, and it crawled up to her neck and face.

She looked up to see Toby sitting by himself a few tables away, and a stab pierced through her. She felt horrible that he had no one to sit with, since he obviously didn't want to go back to the popular friends he'd never liked. Toby noticed she was staring at him, and the cold way that he averted his eyes showed Sami he wasn't going to forgive her. She didn't expect him to; she didn't deserve to be forgiven.

She saw Tanya in the same spot again, and her uncomfortable feelings deepened. The desire to talk to Tanya brushed against her mind. She didn't know what she was going to say, or why she expected that Tanya would listen to her, but she had to try. "I'll be right back," she muttered, then got up and made her way to Tanya's table.

The other girl purposefully didn't look up as Sami sat down next to her.

"Hi, Tanya."

Nothing.

She bit her lip. "Look, I'm really sorry for kissing Toby. I know you don't believe me, but I didn't mean to."

Still no response.

"I told Toby that I stole Kevin's music yesterday."

At least that sparked a reaction out of Tanya. She raised her startled eyes to Sami for a moment before looking down at the table again. Her eyes were red and puffy; it looked like she'd cried and hadn't slept.

"Toby won't want to be around me any – anymore." Her throat closed up as she said it, her voice choking on the words.

Tanya finally spoke. Her voice was soft and weak, as though she didn't have the energy to be cold and angry anymore. "It doesn't matter, Sami. It's too late. What do you want me to say? I can't come crawling back to you after what you did. Just leave me alone, and please don't talk to me again."

"Tanya, I really …" Sami hesitated, a lump rising in her throat. "I really thought we could be friends." She swallowed.

Tanya gave her a sad look. "I did too, Sami. I did too."

The only thing she could do was leave. Sami got up and headed back to her table, wishing she could have fixed things between her and Tanya.

When she saw Kevin at the table again, turmoil churned in her stomach. How could she sit with him and talk to him casually when she was still keeping everything from him?

She wondered what was going to happen with the band. Would they go back to Reese's Pieces now, or would they stay with their name, even though she had blown off Nigel? Would Kevin still want to be in it?

She didn't think they deserved to have him in their band, not after what they did. He deserved better than them.

But whatever was going to happen, he had to know the truth.

"Kevin, do you want to come to my house after school today?"

He blinked at her with surprise. "Uh … okay! Sure."

Sami smiled and nodded, but inside she was shaking.

She was going to tell him everything.


	10. Chapter 10

Wednesday Afternoon

"You have a really cool room." Kevin gazed at all the guitar posters and collages of music-related things on her walls as he walked through the door.

"Thanks." Sami realized that was the first thing that Toby said when he'd entered her room for the first time, too. The thought gave her an odd feeling.

They sat on her bed. Sami pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, her trademark nervous habit. "Kevin? I have to talk to you about something." Her voice was quiet.

"Okay, go ahead." He was wearing a puzzled, curious expression.

She took a deep breath, and then she began to tell him the whole story, starting from the meditation session at his house. She talked slowly and she had to keep swallowing down a lump. It was so hard for the words to come out. She'd never done something harder in her life. This was so much worse than admitting it to Toby and Jim.

When she got to the part about taking his music, Kevin's eyes were wide, but he didn't say anything. She couldn't tell what he was thinking about what she'd done. Her insides were quivering with the fear of what he'd think, fear that he'd hate her. To her surprise, she found that she was more scared now than she was for Toby's reaction.

Sami told Kevin all the thoughts she'd had when she took his music, the reason she'd done it and how she had justified it to herself, and how at the beginning she hadn't intended to plagiarize his work. She felt desperate to get Kevin to understand that it hadn't been a conscious decision, that she'd just got caught up in it, and had let her longing carry her away.

She didn't stop once she'd explained how far she'd gone with his music. For some reason, without knowing why, she started telling him about Toby finding the song Kevin had written for her, and playing it for her.

Kevin's whole face flushed red when Sami talked about the song. He looked mortified. But he still didn't say anything.

She went on to tell him about Nigel Waters, and last night's performance—first how it had started out amazing, and then how wrong it had felt, and how the guilt had taken over her. She explained how she'd finally told the others about what she'd done, and how Toby had left.

Sami finished the story after that. She was glad that she'd gotten it all out, but now all her anxieties sloshed around her stomach and caused sweat to break out across her forehead. She was terrified of Kevin's reaction.

He was quiet for a while after she was done speaking. She sat there, trying to interpret his silence and nearly losing her mind with nerves.

When he finally spoke, it was the last thing she expected him to say. "I can't believe you heard the song I wrote for you. You have no idea how embarrassed I am right now."

She blinked at him, stunned. "But … I don't understand. What do you have to say about what I did? I _stole your music_. You're not mad?"

"Do you _want_ me to be mad?" Confusion bordered his tone.

"Yes, I do! You should be. I plagiarized you while you were in a coma!"

Kevin was doing the opposite of what she'd predicted, and she didn't understand his response.

He shrugged. "I would have given you those songs to use in your band if you'd accepted me when I auditioned, anyway. But mostly, I understand why you did it. I know how it feels to be nothing, and how strong the need to be something is. That's why you did it. I know you didn't have bad intentions, and that you're a good person. Sure, maybe you were being selfish—but honestly, who isn't?" He laughed. "We're human beings. It's in our nature to be selfish."

Sami couldn't believe she was hearing this. Her mind brimmed with relief and gratitude. For the first time since the ordeal had started, she felt like someone was lifting the weight from her shoulders. When she'd told Toby and Jim, it hadn't relieved her burden or made a difference, because there was really only one person to whom she had needed to confess. Nothing else mattered.

"Sami?" Kevin ducked his head down as he prepared to ask her a question, lowering his eyes with coyness in a way that Sami found adorable. "Can I be in your band?"

She sighed. "No. I'm sorry."

His face crumpled.

"No! No, don't take it that way. You're really good. Of course it would be amazing if you were in our band. But you deserve better, after what I did with your music. You don't deserve to be in a band with someone who took advantage of you when you were unconscious."

"I don't care," Kevin insisted. "I forgive you. It doesn't matter to me. You should let me join."

The casual way he said that he forgave her affected Sami more than it should have. "But I don't even know if there will be a band anymore, after I blew off Nigel."

"So? Why does it matter that you don't have a record deal anymore? We don't have to be famous or discovered. We can just be a garage band."

"Okay, maybe. I don't know."

Kevin avoided looking at her again, staring down at the bed. Sami thought about how embarrassed he must have been feeling, knowing that she knew about his feelings for her.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Toby," Kevin said.

She just nodded. She hadn't told Kevin that Toby and her had kissed; for some reason, she didn't want him to know, at least not yet. But she'd told Kevin that Toby and her had been friends.

"You know something weird that happened at school today?" Kevin started, then laughed. "I mean, something a little more weird than how weird it was that everyone was talking to me?"

"What?"

"Tanya talked to me, and she was really nice—both of those things are really surprising. She wanted to know how I was and if everything was okay. And she told me she's been helping my mom pay for my hospital bills, which makes no sense. Why would she do that? She doesn't even know me."

"I don't know." Sami avoided the question. "But Tanya _is_ nice. I found that out too."

"Oh. You know what else? She offered to help out at my house, if we needed anything. It's really sweet of her."

"Yeah, it is." So Tanya was making up for her mistake.

Kevin didn't know that Tanya had been the one to hit him, but maybe it was better that way.

"Kevin, I wanted to tell you … thank you for writing that song about me. You have no idea what it meant to me."

His cheeks and neck turned red again. "You're welcome. You know, I was planning to sing _Sami _at your band auditions."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah." He grinned and rolled his eyes at himself. "I thought I'd be brave enough to do it. I mean, I guess I could have done it … I prepared myself for it and I didn't get cold feet when I saw you. But then your reaction, how you didn't want me to audition, kind of discouraged me and made my confidence go away. I got really embarrassed and scared. I thought you'd hate me for singing it, or think I was weird, and that you'd make me feel like an idiot. So that's why I ran out."

Then it _had_ been her fault that he'd gotten hit. He wouldn't have run out into the street if she hadn't been rude to him. Oh, God. She'd stolen his music and almost gotten him killed. She didn't deserve to even talk to him.

Kevin read the look on her face correctly. "No, it wasn't your fault! I should have been more careful and looked where I was going. I didn't check to make sure that there weren't any cars around. Don't blame yourself, Sami, please."

"Okay. I'll try not to." She got the courage to ask something she'd been wondering for a while. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I'm curious … how long have you liked me?"

He did that head-ducking thing of which she was becoming rather fond. "Um, I'm not sure. Maybe a few months? Since the beginning of this year. I wrote _Sami_ in September. So, yeah, I guess three months."

"Oh." Sami felt the glow in her chest come to life.

"But I think I always saw that behind your angry attitude, you were an amazing, nice person inside, and I guess that sort of drew me. I'd always wanted to know why you were cold, and why you covered the beautiful personality inside."

Sami's breath caught, and she gaped at him. How did he _know_? How could he tell that she'd created a new personality for herself, and was hiding the old Sami behind it?

For some reason, she felt like she could confide in Kevin about this, about something she'd never even talked about with Duder. Kevin was just so _open_ and sweet and easy to trust. Sami felt comfortable around him, like she could say anything to him and he would listen and he wouldn't judge or tell anyone. Besides, she owed it to Kevin to tell him what he was curious about, after what she'd done. And maybe she'd been holding this in for too long.

"Well, there actually is something that happened a couple years ago," Sami began. "See, you're right. I used to be totally different—but not a good way. I used to be really open and sensitive, and I was the type of person who always wore my feelings on my sleeve, and I ended up getting hurt because of that. There were these two girls at my old school, named Briana and Kristen. They were really popular there.

"We became friends, and I got really close to them. I thought they were my best friends and that they liked me, but then I found out that they had always hated me, and the whole time we'd been friends, they'd made up rumors about me and they'd gotten everyone to believe them, so that almost everyone in my grade hated me. Once they stopped pretending to be my friend, they made my life hell every day; they always criticized me and talked about me behind my back and bullied me, and they spread all the secrets I had told them when I thought they were my friends. I spilled out my heart to them and they took advantage of that. Because I was so sensitive and trusting and naïve, I got burned.

"So when I came to this school, I built a new personality for myself, one that would make sure I didn't get hurt again. If you're rude to everyone and push people away, they don't want to be your friend, so there aren't any risks.

"I guess Briana and Kristen changed me in a different way, too; I'm really defensive and always on my guard because of them, and I always have to lash out. And they taught me that if you hurt people, they can't hurt you."

Sami didn't realize how much she'd said until she finished the story. She'd kept that to herself for so long, it was relieving to share it with someone now.

Kevin was a good listener. He'd soaked in her words with avid interest. Entirely out of the blue, he leaned forward and hugged Sami when she finished. "Wow. I'm sorry. That really sucks. Those girls are horrible. But they weren't worth your time. You shouldn't have let them get to you; they're just stupid and jealous for judging you and making up rumors about you. Why should you care what they think?"

"I know, I shouldn't have. But I couldn't have just ignored everything they said about me. And they made everyone else hate me too."

"Well, anyone who'd believe what they said about you were stupid too, and therefore also not worth your time."

She smiled. "Thanks."

Sami couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said, how he saw the beautiful person underneath the cold shield she had formed for herself. It made her feel good about herself. And the way he'd been able to see that when he hadn't even known her was really special.

Sami thought about how she'd buried her old self deep inside of her and been rude to everyone to prevent something like Briana and Kristen from happening again. Toby was the only person to whom she'd been nice. He had started to open her up and dug inside her walls, and she had let down her guard for the first time since Briana and Kristen. She hadn't lashed out at him or pushed him away, and with him, the old Sami had started to come back. No one had been able to do that. Maybe that meant that Toby would have been good for her.

But he was taken away from her when he found out about Kevin's music, and it was all Sami's own doing. Toby had been too good to be true. She had taken that as a lesson of what happened when she let down her guard, and how she couldn't ever trust anyone again. Yet maybe Kevin could show her that wasn't true, that she could let down her guard without getting hurt.

No one but Toby had been able to bring back the old Sami, but maybe that was because no one else had _tried_. Maybe if someone else tried, they'd succeed. Maybe Kevin could help her bring the old Sami back. It didn't have to be Toby.

Toby had just showed her that someone _could_ bring her back, that it was possible—and she was grateful for that. She was grateful for meeting him and the experience she'd had with him, for what it had taught Sami about herself.

"You're really talented, Kevin." She wasn't sure where the words were coming from, or why she was randomly changing the subject. "And the song you wrote for me is beautiful. Even before you woke up, I fell in love with that song."

"Oh, um … thanks." Kevin seemed taken aback by her praise.

Sami was staring at him, just staring. He was looking back, his gaze slightly awkward, but also intense. He didn't duck his head this time; he was able to meet her eyes. They held the connection for several moments, and then somehow, they were leaning forward, almost subconsciously. Neither of them knew what they were doing, but neither of them stopped it.

Kevin's mouth brushed against hers, and their lips pressed together. The kiss was barely more than a touch, but it was warm. The glow in Sami's chest blazed with triumph. She felt like warm honey was moving through her veins.

Kissing Kevin was so different than kissing Toby. With Toby, it had been fierce, passionate, crackling with flames. This one was gentle, tender, sweet. His lips were soft against her own.

It wasn't weird kissing him at all, even though she hadn't known him for that long. Sami felt like she knew Kevin well—even more than she knew Toby—because she knew Kevin through his music, and through being able to relate to his situation and place.

They pulled apart after only a few seconds. Kevin was blushing furiously, but smiling a shy smile. The warm glow inside of Sami had expanded out to crawl across her skin.

Sami finally felt at rest. The shame was beginning to wash out of her veins, starting to fade away from her mind. She was almost free from the guilt that had been holding her prisoner since she stole Kevin's music.

She took Kevin's hand. "You know, we need a new lead guitarist. Or maybe someone who can play a keyboard."

He didn't have to respond. His smile was enough.


	11. Chapter 11

Wednesday Night

Toby was sick of everything.

He was sick of his life at school. For the whole year, he had been stuck with friends he didn't like or care about. He'd been trapped with a girlfriend whom he didn't like, whom he had only been with because she was hot, and good for his appearance at school. But he didn't care about that anymore. Toby didn't want to be popular. He couldn't be himself and he was always forced to pretend.

Toby was sick of pretending—pretending to care about things he didn't actually care for, things he didn't want to care about. He hated having to pretend to like the popular kids that he hung out with, and he hated having to pretend to be someone he wasn't.

He just wanted to graduate, to get out of here and end this horrible year.

Toby sighed and leaned against the headboard of his bed. What was wrong with him? He wasn't usually this jaded and bitter.

It was Sami's doing. She had sparked all the hidden frustrations in him, had brought the negative thoughts that he always managed to ignore out from the back of his mind.

Just her name had the ability to send fresh waves of anger and anguish shooting through him.

He still couldn't believe what she had done, and that she had lied to him about it. He couldn't believe he'd trusted her so much, and so easily. Toby couldn't believe he had thought Sami was an amazing person.

He was unable to stop feeling shaken from the news that Little White Lie was a scam. It had been so great to be in the band, and he'd enjoyed it so much—it was something that he'd loved doing, something he didn't have to pretend to like. And then one sentence—just a few words—had ruined that, torn it apart. It had all been fake, just like everything else at school was.

An awful feeling was prickling across his arms, a feeling that came from the song they had recorded and then performed at the gig. He'd sung a song that hadn't belonged to them, that hadn't been his right to sing.

Toby needed to clear his mind, to escape from these upsetting thoughts. He leaned over the side of the bed and grabbed his acoustic guitar from where it stood against the wall, next to the electric one.

He placed the guitar in his lap and listened to the sounds of the guitar settling: the echo of wind through the hole, the whisper of the strings as they gently trembled, the creak of his fingers sliding across the frets to find their position.

Toby plucked at a string. A clear, loud, beautiful sound rang through the air. The vibration lingered in his ear, making a shiver run down his spine. Another note danced across his eardrums, pure and strong. Toby began to play. It wasn't any song in particular—just a drabble of random chords and notes.

The melody was all around him, as if a thin mist was filling his room. It trickled through his veins, coexisting with the blood flowing through. But it couldn't drive the thoughts from his head. Instead, it only enhanced them, gave the thoughts a soundtrack. Toby poured his feelings into the guitar, turning the melody dark and edgy. The notes whispered murky words into his ears.

Somehow, the meaningless strums morphed into a song—a song he knew well. He found his fingers playing the melody for _Sami_. The soft strums wrapped around his ears in what seemed like a mocking way. The song twisted around his mood and stabbed at his flesh, wielding emotions as sharp as knives.

He couldn't stand that he still had feelings for her. Toby wanted them to go away. He hated Sami for it, for making him like her and for making it impossible to get rid of those feelings.

He was just as furious at himself as he was towards Sami. Toby had been such an idiot to believe that Sami had written a love song to herself. But the idea had fascinated him—a girl who had such a low self-esteem, she'd felt the need to write herself a love song because she didn't think it was possible for anyone to want to write one for her. He had wanted to fix that. It had been part of the situation he had idealized.

Sami had been more of a fantasy to him, a stream of what-if's with which Toby had been captivated. The possibility had intrigued him. He hadn't known her that well, but he'd wanted to, and the person he had seen seemed beautiful. He had romanticized the concept of a girl who he would actually like, that he could hang out with and enjoy spending time with, as opposed to his "friends"—a girl with whom he wouldn't have to pretend. He had seen an escape, seen the option of someone he could finally connect with, so he'd glamorized the idea until it had turned into an infatuation. He hadn't been in love with Sami—he'd been in love with the idea of being in love with her.

But she'd turned out to be a liar, someone he really hadn't known at all, and now Toby was left with nothing but the fragments of the glorification he'd made her out to be. Sami had been a mirage of an oasis he'd seen in the middle of a desert, and now he clung to the dissolving fragments—but they cut into his skin and stung, and they hurt so much. Little White Lie had been a mirage too; he had always wanted to be part of a band, a band that actually counted, unlike the Hot Girls. And the fantasy of Little White Lie had also shattered, the perfection of that band turning out to be nothing but an illusion, because of Sami and the stolen music.

He weaved the shards of both mirages into the song and sewed the frayed golden threads of his fantasy into the notes of _Sami_.

That song had fascinated Toby. He'd thought of it as such a beautiful idea. But it wasn't his song, or hers—it belonged to some guy he didn't even know. Toby had taken the song under his wing, and he'd thought that it was for him to use—but it wasn't. It was like nurturing a stranger who only bit the hand that you fed him with , before he left you.

The song was the last piece of idealization that Toby had left. He was throwing the remaining scraps of it into that song, the leftover particles coming together and forming the notes, and the combination of guitar strums and mirage shards was ending everything. He was done, done romanticizing and done pretending to be someone he wasn't—done with everything.

_ That was all life was—just a collection of endless mirages, one fake oasis after another. He had to accept that and stop dwelling on each mirage, because it would always turn out to be an illusion._

_ It was for this reason that Toby was grudgingly grateful for Sami, for her coming in and out of his life. The experience showed him that he could no longer hold on to the idealization he always created._

_ He had to move along. Fantasies only hurt, and they didn't help or fix things. The only way to live was to deal with things and to just get through the situation. It was time to start keeping his feet planted firmly on the ground._

_ The music coming from his guitar flowed through him, cleared his head, and helped him accept that fact._

Toby's fingers paused on the strings. He didn't want to hear the painful song anymore. He put the guitar back in its spot against the wall, but the song continued to play in his head, floating and drifting through the layers of his mind. When he closed his eyes, the song turned to images under his eyelids—colors that held the essence of the song in their flashing hues.

_The notes haunted him in his dreams._

_**THE END**_


End file.
